Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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