I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
