Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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