Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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