Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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