I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
