Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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