God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
