omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
