if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
