Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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