he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize