Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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