I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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