What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She bit a glass in half.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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