She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
