I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
