actually, I'm a sock model
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
