just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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