I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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