I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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