you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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