You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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