the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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