Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
