I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I faked an abortion last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
