I'm passing your future prison.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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