Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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