We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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