Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
