grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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