she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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