i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
