one might say we're banned from that church
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
