She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
