Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
and you fell through a lawn chair
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
