why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
