considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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