He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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