I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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