dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
