I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
do nipples grow back?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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