screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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