best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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