God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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