If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
