Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
