Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
