i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Such a big mess for such a small penis
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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