I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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