actually, I'm a sock model
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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