what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
