I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
