Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
