Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
