god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
