i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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