my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
