What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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