Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
