Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
