My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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