There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
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FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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