I think I died a long time ago.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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