My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
