when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
