you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
