Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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