That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
