ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
