please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
BRING THE BAGELS
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
