It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You ruined the universe
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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